Why I Feel Like I Might Die Soon

As controversial as the title of this blog may seem, the truth for everyone is that from the moment we come to life we are all moving closer to the inevitable fate that will be our death whether it’d be 5 minutes from birth or 110 years later.

There’s a hint of this sentiment in the book I just recently published. There’s a chapter in there called “Ten Things I Would Do If I Only Had 6 More Months to Live” and another one titled “Ten Things I Want to Be Remembered For.” I also briefly mention me feeling at peace with the idea of an imminent death in the introduction of the book.

To be clear, as far as I am aware I am not battling some sort of terminal illness at the moment and I have not been receiving death threats from anyone. And I am not planning a suicide.

However, the book is sort of a public will for me (in case something happens to the official one or the official one never becomes official). I wanted to leave something behind.

In the recent year or two, I feel like things have been happening in a fashion where things are starting to cycle back.

As mentioned in my recent blog posting about my trip to Banff/Calgary, Canada I chaperoned two teenage boys on this trip and realized that I am now the one chaperoning instead of being chaperoned. Coincidentally enough, the location of the tournament/seminar was at the same place I went to for my very first out-of-town martial arts seminar back in my teenage years.

After a failed marriage, I’ve had men in my love life prior to my marriage try to make their way back into my life. It taught me lessons on why things didn’t work out in my marriage or why things didn’t work out the first time (or the second time) in these other relationships.

And then there’s people making fun of how Pokémon is back in and how another Clinton is running for office. Sorry, none of that really has anything to do with my personal “life cycling” feeling but it’s probably a bit more relatable for everyone else.

The thought of possibly dying soon has not paralyzed me into feeling helpless. It’s been quite the opposite, actually. Or else I wouldn’t have written a book….

Knowing that I could die tomorrow, it drives me to do more and make sure I am able to leave happy that I did what I did while I was still able to.

A few years ago when it was first released, I read the authorized biography of Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson and it was mentioned in the book that Steve Jobs had said to someone about the intuition he had about a feeling that he was going to die young. I am by no means claiming that I will become the next Steve Jobs. But I believe that there are some people out there who feel driven to do something with their lives because they feel this ticking clock somewhere inside them.

Note that I also have chapters the book titled “Ten Things I Accomplished in My Twenties” and “Ten Things I Would Like to Accomplish in My Thirties.” So while I could die a happy soon-to-be thirty year old, if I am fortunate enough to have all of the next decade to live and cross off my thirties list I will do my best and look forward to doing so.

Sayings like “life is short” seem cliché but very few people realize how precious time is until either they have lost someone very close to them or they are about to be in that predicament themselves.

As Seneca would say, life is long if you know how to use it.

-M

 

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