Do you ever notice that some people look like they’re crying when they’re laughing and vise versa? Or how you end up feeling better often times after you’re done going through either one? It shouldn’t be any wonder then that if laughter is good medicine then so is crying at times.
People get uncomfortable when they see others cry. The first instinct for a lot of people is to try to get the crier to stop crying. It’s because they perceive crying as someone being in pain and they want to make that pain go away.
Well, folks – I’ve frankly been doing a lot of crying the last few months and sometimes there’s nothing like a good cry (or good laughter).
Oh, and just because you’ve been crying it doesn’t mean you can’t have a great laugh. Or laugh so hard that your eyes start to water from laughter like you’re crying anyways.
But since we’re on the topic of having a good cry, I’m going to discuss how to have that experience.
I personally have been doing most of my crying when I am all by myself usually in the privacy of my bedroom or in my car. While there’s nothing wrong with having a great friend who will lend you their shoulder to cry on (literally), I do think there’s a certain kind of honesty that comes out when you are able to be in-tuned with how you’re feeling without any outside noise or interference.
And the fact that you are there with no one else to comfort you may add to the emotions that are already there – which might feel lonely and painful in that moment. Therefore, I highly recommend a warm blanket to wrap yourself around in along with a very huggable pillow (this works really well if you’re already in bed). And don’t forget the box of tissues.
And when you finally relax after a good cry, I highly recommend making yourself a nice hot cup of tea (which I find enjoyable any time of the day anyways).
Journaling has continued to help too. In fact, I was able to finish writing in a journal notebook from cover to cover for the first time in my life as of March (I started my first entry in it July of last year). And since starting in this next journal, I’ve been writing in it EVERY single night so it’s only gotten even more consistent. Though sometimes writing certain things has also brought upon the waterworks so I have found myself writing through tears at times.
Reading certain books or listening to certain songs can do it too. I’ve been reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown and EVERY single time I open the book up to read more of it I start crying at some point while I read it. It’s gotten to the point where I will have a box of kleenex on hand to have with me before I began reading it. The book discusses vulnerability and this excerpt that the author has shared from the classic children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit gets me every single time whenever I reread it:
“Real isn’t how you re made, ” said the Skin Hose,. “It’s a thing that happens to you, When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes.” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, or “bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
I had a very hard day again as I write this and had the biggest sob just typing that out. It followed more sobs preceding it because I also came across the other song that I recently heard (and saw) being performed by Andra Day on the Ellen DeGeneres show called “Rise Up.” It seems to always move me to tears, especially when you read the lyrics visible in this lyrics video of the song:
Life gets hard sometimes. Or many, many, many more times, it seems like for some of us. At the end of the day we want to feel loved (or at least not unloveable). And sometimes we do find ourselves crying alone in a room. We get tired of living when it gets to be so frustrating because you feel like you’ve worked so hard but it didn’t get you what you wanted.
My hope is that in spite of the painful experiences we go through that we can somehow come out of them with more empathy and kindness for others who go through such times. Small gestures to show that you care especially matter in those times to those people.
At this time I would like to take time to express how grateful I feel towards those who have done that for me, those who have taken the time to call me to see how I’m doing (or return my phone calls), those who have given me thoughtful messages in cards & letters to cheer me up. But I believe that the rarest one of all are those who are there at your side when you need them.